Pricey Penny,

I’ve been courting a man for eight months. He has all the time insisted on paying for our dates, typically meals, and wouldn’t hear my objections. So I relaxed. 

However he was sad with a present I purchased him, and now he brings up that he all the time pays for our dates. He nonetheless desires to take me on a visit that he paid for. I received’t go. Ought to I pay for half of the journey and stroll away?

-D.

Pricey D.,

What did this man count on? That you simply’d quietly sock away your half of the test for eight months straight so you could possibly purchase him a Rolex?

You’ve already made the vital selections: You’re not occurring this journey. You’re strolling away. You simply want my assist finding out just a few particulars.

I do suppose you must pay your half of the holiday, offered you can afford to with out inflicting your self monetary hardship. This isn’t actually about him, although.

This man clearly likes to play head video games. Even when he handled you to eight months of fancy dates, that doesn’t make you a thoughts reader. I believe that even should you’d given him a Rolex, he’d be selecting away at you for one thing else.

By paying to your half of this trip, you’re setting issues straight in your personal thoughts. It was your boyfriend’s option to pay for eight months’ price of dates. He isn’t a sufferer, although he’s going to insist in any other case.


I’d counsel sending him the cash through Venmo or Paypal proper earlier than you inform him you received’t be accompanying him. Growth. Finish of debate. Don’t open the door to your soon-to-be-ex to hem and haw about why it actually isn’t mandatory so that you can pay him again — whereas on the identical time guilt-tripping you about the truth that he paid for this trip.

Attempt to keep away from rehashing the previous eight months. That may flip into an argument you merely can’t win with this man.

Give attention to the way you’re feeling proper now. You’re now not having fun with his firm as the results of his incessant complaining. I believe paying to not go on trip with this man sends a fairly robust message. I’m not holding out hope that he’ll truly hear the message. However at the least you’ll have set the document straight for your self.

Sooner or later, I’d warning towards letting somebody pay for every little thing, irrespective of how a lot they insist. Some folks might insist on paying the invoice for every little thing as a result of they take pleasure in treating their companions. However typically there’s a hidden motivation. It’s about their egos, or they’re setting ridiculous expectations for you within the course of. When somebody insists on paying 100% of the time over your objections, don’t routinely interpret it as a message of generosity. Pay attention intently. They’re not listening to your objections.

No matter the way you strategy this dialogue, maintain your floor. You’re not going thus far this man any longer. This journey is now a trip for one.

Robin Hartill is an authorized monetary planner and a senior author at The Penny Hoarder. Ship your difficult cash inquiries to [email protected].


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